Practical Magic
By Mooch
“Do you always trust your first, initial feeling?
Special knowledge holds true, bears believing…”
— “Crystal,” Stevie Nicks
Do you always trust your first feeling? I didn’t — especially not when a man calling himself a Doctor of Chiropractic wanted to do black magic on my spine.
My first visit to the chiropractor was painful — mentally and physically. I’m familiar with the treatments, and I’ve always wanted to include them among my options. But how do you let someone perform what feels like black magic on the most sensitive part of your body? Even if it’s not accepted by mainstream medicine, spinal manipulation has been practiced for decades. I’d even had success back in 2013 with traction to relieve a pinch in my C5–6. So after all my talk about wanting alternative care, I figured I’d better walk the walk — or I should probably stop talking.
My first job was to seek out a reputable wellness center. Don't just go to any corner chiropractor. Hard to tell who has any experience or skills whatsoever. Horror stories abound. So I went back to the one I visited in 2013. Not the same doc, but the wellness center seemed reputable to me as business looked good, judging from its size. We will call this wellness center, Practical Magic. Not just because it seems practical, but because Nicole Kidman has been in the news recently. I called and made an appointment, didn’t really choose a doc, but they assigned me one. I already knew their location so at the time of my appointment I drove over, parked in handicapped, and pushed my chair to the curb outside the main door. There was no ramp and nothing but steps in front of me. I looked left and right and found no means of getting up to the front door. So I pushed down the parking lot and found a small sign that said handicapped entry in the back of the building. Pushing my wheelchair towards the front door, I realized there was no entry for the handicapped. Not wanting to get back in the car I pushed around to the sidewalk heading to the rear of the building. Once on the sidewalk I realized the back of the building also meant downstairs…so quickly I was zooming down the sidewalk wondering for one of the first times, how I was going to brake a wheelchair on a hill? With the wind in my hair, I was able to slow my roll and make a turn at the lower point of the sidewalk and roll up to the back door of the building. Of course the door was locked…and there I was. Locked out and faced with a long climb back up a hill. There was a button on the door so I pressed it. Nothing happened. So I pressed it again. After a few minutes of sitting there, someone came to the door. Hello, can I help you, yes I want to get into Practical Magic on the second floor, I have an appointment. Oh, they moved out about seven years ago. Classic, I should haven’t assumed I knew where they were… and now I was stuck in a wheelchair at the bottom of a long hill.
I looked at my phone…since why wouldn’t I, I have Google Maps. I did a quick search for Practical Magic and behold. Their address. Exactly a one minute drive from my location. They had moved to an office building right across the street. But now I was still a long push up a hill and a one minute drive from their location. I only write about this because I’ve got a long blog. I need to write about how so much of what I’ve witnessed from a wheelchair gives me a very new perspective on how nothing is compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act. I guess people give it a nice try when buildings are constructed, but after that, I don’t think any enforcement is done. It’s all done by complaint. I suspect. Anyway, I was going to be late for the appointment. I pushed back up the hill, threw my wheelchair in the back, hobbled into the car and drove over to the correct office building. I still needed to do all the things…hobble to the back of the car, pull the wheelchair out, and roll into the building, and find the right floor.
I rolled into the wellness center and found Practical Magic as I had remembered their lobby and as a wellness center should be. Aesthetically pleasing, with rock walls and water features, with very soothing music playing in the background. I had arrived for my appointment with witchcraft, I mean, alternative medicine.
I met with the warlock to whom I was assigned. He looked fairly senior so I suspected he had some experience. I went through my long story. He read through the notes I had brought on the results of all my imagery. He stayed focused on my x-rays, he was more interested in the condition of my vertebrae and less interested in the discs and nerve impingements. To my amazement he didn't do much. No grand cracking of my spine. No super manipulation of any kind to get me out of discomfort. And no traction. Getting on his table was hard enough. Having to lay flat on my stomach was almost the end of the visit. But I made it onto the table. After examining my spine for a few minutes, he broke the table at about my waist level and the back part of the table lowered and my legs. He started to press on my spine with his hands as he slowly articulated the table side to side very gently. The pain and numbness immediately shot through my left leg and he stopped. That was all the manipulation he performed. He said my spine can't move. Everything is stationary from the S1 up. Until we can release the spine and get it moving again there isn't much he can do.
He then hooked me up to a machine that ran an electrical current through the muscles in the region. That felt weird. Electrical stimulation of the muscles can release endorphins, release the muscles, reduce inflammation, and stimulate repair. Is that true? Keep coming back, as another group would say. I am committed to alternative care after the conventional care, PT, did very little, if anything, to help. Twenty minutes of electrical stimulation and I was on my way home. After paying the bill of course, out of my own pocket. However the warlock wanted to see me again that week. He asked me when the surgery was and I told him we have about two weeks for something to happen.
Two days later I was back for the second visit and it was very similar. I lay prone on his torture table. He dropped my legs again and pressed on my spine with his fingers. He swung the table back and forth. As before…I could feel the pain and numbness building in my leg. He stopped. Then he put 20 minutes of current through my spinal region…the L34 and L45. I paid the bill and went home. To say I was uncomfortable that night is an understatement. I felt pain at rest when normally I can find a position without pain. In those same positions I was experiencing pain and couldn’t get comfortable.
The weekend passed and I was in for my third visit. Again it was a repeat but this time when I got up on his table it was easier to roll on and lay prone. That was different and a pleasant surprise. He started pressing on my vertebrae with his fingers and then grabbed a massage gun which started pounding gently next to my spine. He dropped the table and my legs dropped down and as before he articulated the table left to right and he pressed on individual vertebrae. This time…amazingly…there was far less pain in my leg. We stopped that and he brought me up to a sitting position. As I sat there he had me straighten my back and he used the massage gun with two fingers on it…meant to get at those little wings of your vertebrae. Those wings are also joints just as the vertebrae themselves are joints. Your spinal column articulates in all directions but those tiny little joints also articulate back and forth. Then there was more electric shock for twenty minutes, and this time with a heating pad. He gave me a few exercises to do at home. I didn't do them. I experienced pain that night as I had after the previous treatment, I was beginning to wonder if I should continue with the treatments, but since I was all in, I was all in. So I endured the night and went back the next day for treatment number four.
The fourth visit, as I lay prone on his table with my legs hanging down, most of the previous pain was no longer there. He swung the table back and forth pressing on my vertebrae. Then all of a sudden, Pop! My spine released something. I don't know what, he explained it…something about cavitation. It sounded like bullshit to me. Another round of electro shock therapy and I was released. The day following this fourth treatment, I can stand up straight. Something has happened in the L34 area. I no longer have to hunch at my waist to relieve pain and bend at my waist. I still can't put pressure on my left leg without pushing my pelvis out but the fact that I can stand erect is amazing, it also means I can lay flat. The weekend was upon us but I looked forward to the next treatment on Monday.
The fifth visit was more of the same, however, I was much more flexible. Laying down was easy. When he dropped my legs there was no pain. He articulated the table back and forth and my spine popped in two locations seemingly at the L34 and L45. This time he rolled me onto my back and did some work with my knees and pelvis…however that wasn’t very successful. He pushed my knees back and we once again had pain. He put the massage gun right on the soft spot behind my hip (my ass) and fired away. He did both sides, gave me some pelvis exercises to do at home (I didn’t do them) and sent me for more electric shock and home. I had two more visits that week and looked forward to both of them. The sixth visit was very similar, articulating the spine while laying on my stomach. Work on my pelvis while laying on my back. Electric shock therapy, pay the bill, go home. The seventh was exactly the same.
It's the weekend after the seventh visit. I'm walking everywhere. I'm effectively out of the wheelchair. I don't even need my cane. What order of mad science is this chiropractic shit. I mean, I've been telling everyone I wanted alternative care but did I really believe in it? I think I do now. The warlock has six more sessions before surgery. We are two weeks out. Everything is complete for the surgery. I’ve had all my pre-surgical appointments, blood tests, and EKG. My primary doctor cleared me for surgery. And I had my pre-surgical appointment where the surgeon explained exactly what he will do and I signed all my consents. This was before I could walk of course. Now I’m walking 12 days before going under the knife. My surgeon literally said, if there is any improvement whatsoever I'm not doing the surgery. We will watch it and wait and see if you experience improvement before then. Well, my decision might have been made for me. However, my criteria for wellness is not just walking, it’s running, jumping, and falling…at least falling on the field. I’m going to do the exercises the warlock assigned from now on. John Boyd said, “Do your homework”, so now I will.
I'm walking, and walking erect, but enduring moderate 4–5 pain in my leg. I'm also still taking a lot of meds. I'm still on Motrin, Tylenol, methocarbamol, and gabapentin…a lot of gabapentin. Seems like my wellness criteria must include getting off the meds as well. Stay tuned, I guess special knowledge may hold true, may bear believing... we shall see.
